Surrogacy ~ Gift of Life

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to carry a baby… for someone else? In this week’s episode and blog, my friend Carianne shares the awe-inspiring story of how one Facebook message led to her becoming a surrogate for her dear friends who, after years of infertility treatments, had nearly given up on having a baby of their own. 

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By Joy Czech

Adapted from this podcast by Heather C. Wentz

I remember exactly where I was when I got the phone call.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hi, is this Joy Czech?” A voice came through, muffled with tears. 

We were on the way home from a weekend away. As a doula, it wasn’t too uncommon for me to receive a call from someone in the midst of an emotional breakdown — when your clients are all pregnant and hormonal, in fact, it’s pretty normal. 

I listened as the woman on the other end of the line told me her story. Her name was Carianne. She was 20 weeks pregnant, had just moved to Indiana from New York, and was due in February with her friend’s baby. 

She deeply desired a natural birth, but with a history of two C-sections at the birth of her own children, her new OB had just told her that a vaginal delivery would be impossible. She was devastated, had just come home from her appointment, and was sitting in her driveway, crying as she spoke to me. 

I blinked back tears of my own. Here was a woman who had given up a year of her life, her body, and her time to deliver a child for her friends who were coming to the end of their infertility struggles and had lost all hope. After composing myself, I reassured her that yes, a vaginal delivery was still possible.

“So… you can help me?” she asked, the calm returning to her voice.

“Carianne, I would be honored to be your doula,” I said.

An Unlikely Story

Carianne LOVED being pregnant. She had carried and birthed two children of her own with no complication, and while her body was ready to be pregnant again, she and her husband, Grant, wanted to wait until their son was 4 to have another child.

But two years felt like a long time to wait. 

And wait. 

And wait. 

She started to do some math. If she were to become a surrogate, would there be enough time for all of the paperwork? The appointments? Would she have the energy she needed to care for her 4-year-old daughter and 1.5-year-old son? 

And, most importantly, would her body have enough time to heal before they decided to try for a third child?

As these thoughts were tumbling around in her head, Carianne stumbled across a high school friend’s Facebook post. The couple was nearing the end of their options for infertility treatment. A devastating miscarriage had led to a doctor’s severe warning that, if they tried again, it could be fatal for the mom. They were beginning to lose hope that they would ever have children of their own. 

Although the circumstances were tragic, the timing seemed too perfect to be a coincidence. With her husband’s blessing, Carianne drafted a Facebook message. 

This is very random, she wrote, and I don’t know if this is something you are interested in, but… I would love to be your surrogate.

She hit “send”, and eagerly awaited a reply. 

Surrogacy: Agency vs. Independent

Alisha and Josh were overwhelmed with gratitude by Carianne’s offer, but neither of them knew where to start. They essentially had two options: to go through an agency, or to do everything independently. 

If they were to go through an agency, it would be: 

• More structured medically

• More structured legally

• Approximately 3x more expensive due to percentage fees

If they were to pursue an independent journey, it would be: 

• Approximately one-third of the cost compared to an agency

• Legally unprotected without hiring a lawyer independently

• Potentially challenging to individually find doctors

Because of cost, the friends decided to pursue an independent journey. Through a lawyer, they agreed that Carianne would be unpaid, but that all pregnancy-related costs would be covered by Alisha and Josh, including maternity clothes and prenatal vitamins. 

After medical clearance and a psych evaluation determined that Carianne qualified as a surrogate, the friends eagerly awaited the next step.

A Devastating Loss

In December of 2020, Carianne began medications to prepare for the first transfer the following February. Her 4-year-old daughter would sit with her every night during progesterone and other injections, and Alisha and Josh would help whenever they could. 

As the time neared for the transfer, they had a big decision to make. Because Alisha and Josh had gone through IVF, several embryos were already made, but only a few were still viable. The couple decided to transfer one only at the first attempt just in case something went wrong. 

Little did they know that this single choice made the difference in their journey. 

In the wake of COVID-19, Carianne attended most appointments on her own. When they determined that her levels were sufficient, they prepared for the first embryo transfer. Alisha was allowed to attend for the procedure, and then the wait began. 

When she took the test several days later, Carianne was confident that it would be positive. She couldn’t believe that it would be anything else. They had done all the right things, taken all the precautions, followed the doctor’s advice exactly. As she picked up the test, she stared in disbelief. 

The test was negative.

The transfer had failed. 

The friends were devastated. Carianne felt like a failure. She had been filled with such hope, such determination, and she didn’t understand why her body hadn’t accepted the transfer. Her grief was doubled, knowing that she was letting down another family as well.

Alisha and Josh felt their hope snatched away. Was this their only chance at a baby, gone in an instant? 

All or Nothing

With the failure of the first transfer, the friends knew that time was closing in. Carianne and Grant had limited time left before they wanted to expand their own family, and only two of Alisha and Josh’s embryos remained. 

Together, they decided to try again. Knowing this would be their last chance at a family, Alisha and Josh agreed to transfer both embryos in the hopes that one would take, and Carianne would become pregnant. 

The injections began again in March, and when May arrived the time had come for the final transfer. 

Six days later, Carianne stood shaking in the bathroom as she picked up the pregnancy test. 

She called Alisha and Josh immediately. 

Congratulations! she told them. You’re going to be parents!

Life as a Surrogate

Although she had never had complications with either of her two pregnancies, the doctors recommended that she take every precaution to protect herself and the baby.

• She needed to stay relaxed and prioritize her physical and mental health. 

• Intercourse was prohibited for the first 6 months. 

• She couldn’t go in the water, especially in a lake or ocean with waves that might cause trauma.

For the first 15 weeks, it carried on like any other pregnancy. The couple attended the first ultrasound. Alisha came to appointments when she could. Carianne would send heartbeat recordings to the couple, conscious that this was their baby and their journey, too. 

Then, something happened.

Grant was promoted… and his new position would bring them from New York to Indiana. 

They knew that this might happen; it had been written into their legal agreement. The baby was healthy, Carianne was healthy, and so the family packed up and moved to Indiana at 20 weeks. 

That’s when she called me. 

Carianne’s Birth Story 

At 38 weeks, Alisha, Josh, and a few friends and family members bundled up and drove across the snow-covered country from New York to Indiana, where they waited in an AirBnb for two weeks for the baby to arrive. 

Finally, at 40+4, the day arrived. It had seemed impossible. Carianne immediately called Alisha from a massage table where her water had just broken, and the excitement in her voice was unmistakable. She called me a few minutes later, her contractions intensified, and I whipped around on I-65 to meet her at the hospital. 

It was like a miracle. Alisha, Josh, and I worked with her through labor and delivery, and after two C-sections, we congratulated Carianne on her first vaginal birth, a beautiful baby girl. 

Alisha and Josh welcomed their sweet babe to the world, hearts absolutely full. The hospital staff had prepared Alisha for skin-to-skin immediately after the birth. Charlie was safely in their arms, and Carianne’s job was done. She sat back in relief, so full of joy for her friends, the baby, and her body.

The End of a Chapter

A few days after her birth, Charlie and her parents were released from the hospital. One more day at the AirBnb, and the happy family drove home to New York. For Carianne, the journey was over. For Alisha and Josh, the journey was just beginning. 

I asked Carianne if there were any hiccups in her postpartum recovery after surrogacy. She shared with me that pumping was the most difficult part; since it wasn’t going directly to the baby, it felt less rewarding and more like a chore. But, thankfully, she was able to donate as she weaned her body and worked to dwindle the supply. 

And, right in line with their hopes to expand their own family, Carianne is now the mom of three beautiful children of her own. 

Maybe you are struggling with infertility. Or maybe, like Carianne, your body is designed for birth! Whatever your story, every journey is beautiful, and there is hope for every mama. It is possible for families to come together. It is possible for kids to be involved in a surrogacy journey. And, yes, vaginal birth is still possible after two C-Sections!

With love, 

Joy